The 20 year old confession

I grew up with red hair, curly red hair, an afro-tastic mess of fiery madness. I was a bold and independent child, I remember telling my class I was born in china and that I was a close relative to the notorious Ariel of The little mermaid and you know what?? They all believed me, every last one of those budding young minds indulged my compulsive lying and deceit. Thus setting the stage for my expectation that all future humans would be just as easy to lure into my fantasy land and take a ride on the make believe train whilst sipping unicorn tears and playing harps among fairies whilst perched on a rainbow of excellence. I remember the first time I felt like the earth was in the palm of my hand, it was when I was in 3rd grade. It was around the time of the Furby epidemic and everyone I mean EVERYONE had a furby and my ill informed parentals decided that I should suffer in the world of lameness for they refused to purchase me one of those adorably creepy and fluffy creatures. So being the Go-getter that I was I decided to do something about it. I remember it all so clear, I literally composed a game plan of maps and timings and all the other important components to carry my my sinister and diabolical plan against the envied Furby owners. I waited until Β recess and complained of a belly ache and said I needed to use the wash room, my teacher then unbeknownst to her set into play my well thought criminal act as she unlocked the classroom door, my gateway to the merchandise. I secretly crept into all of the “cool” kids bags and retrieved the fluffiness that had caused my social grief and snuck them out the side door, I had prepared a burial site earlier that evening after smuggling a lunch spoon out of the cafeteria. I laid the cuddly creatures in there graves and buried them one handful at a time while their beaming slightly haunting eyes gazed back at me. I returned to the classroom and watched as my fellow classmates mourned the loss of their bug eyed creatures, I had literally gotten away with murder, enforcing the belief and expectation that I am unstoppable. As I grew older I have discovered that humans are not as dumb as they were in 1st and 3rd grade, and stealing a furby is a serious crime punishable by death in 60 states. I am a changed woman. I have sent heart felt letters since to the “cool” kids in my class explaining the century long mystery of the disappearing furbies with little to no retaliation for my cruelty. Moral of the story is no matter how dirty your hands may seem a good old scrub of soap and humility can relive even the most dirty of hands so that they may become clean once more. Trust me. I am a doctor. Okay that was a lie also….


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